Calsilica

I closed you

unfinished book

empty cabinet

i threw you

to the night

to the streets

in the rain

i set you

up

on fire

i left you

an unfinished book

on fire

an empty cabinet

in the rain

i closed you

to the night

i left you

to the streets

 

empty cabinet

on fire

unfinished book

in the rain

i closed you

 

when morning came

i tried to open you

but there were no words

there was nothing

inside except

never

never

 

but i read 

maybe.

Thanks Everyone

Oh, gee.  Thanksgiving.

 

Thanksgiving is a made-up holiday for Americans who want to overeat.  So we don’t feel bad about stuffing our faces while bad things are going on for those less fortunate than ourselves, we look outside ourselves to the world and say thanks.

 

Image

 

While I don’t believe in ignoring the bad things in the world–I, for once, say nay to the bitter Thanksgiving Grinches out there.  Thanksgiving isn’t about stuffing our faces, and it’s not about Pilgrims and Native Americans.  At least, that’s not what Thanksgiving is about anymore.

 

Thanksgiving is about two things: family and saying grace.  This, I’m sure, we can all agree on.  And, to make things more perfect, Thanksgiving is a holiday of American invention.  For some reason, our little country decided that there would be one day a year everyone should join with their loved ones, eat food, and be thankful.  Not only does this concept make me feel more prideful about America, but it makes me feel more confident in the world–and in all the people around me.

 

My mom was very into saying thank you.  I mean, she herself didn’t do much of it aloud… but when you live with someone for so long, you begin to learn their secrets no matter if they admit them to you or keep them buried.  I happen to know that each morning my mother made a habit of listing ten things she was grateful for.  At the end of the list, she would sigh and close her journal, take a sip of her coffee, and pick up Bill’s book.  

 

My mom wasn’t grateful by nature, and she knew it.  So, like any good parent, she taught me to be better than that.  If I had a dime for every time I said thank you as a child, you, rest assured, would have no dimes at all.  But as I grew older, and moved farther from my mother, and moved farther from my past, I began to suffer from the pride that accompanies adulthood.

 

You see, I’m learning very quickly that in the land of adulthood–in the land where the world expects you to make it on your own–saying thank you is the social equivalent of admitting you couldn’t have done this without help.  Saying thank you means you need something you can’t get.  And this all means that saying thank you means incompetency.  We won’t say thank you if no one around us is doing it.  If the guy at the check-out counter is a little too slow, if your mother says I love you, if you say goodbye to an old friend before a college break.  

 

If you stop saying thank you, how will you remember you’re grateful in the first place?

 

It’s not technically Thanksgiving yet.  Not for me, while composing this post.  But I’d like to start my list now anyways.  The things we’re really thankful for, after all, are not so fleeting that they might change overnight.

 

Things for which I am Super Thankful:

1. My family and friends

2. My faith and hopes and dreams about the world

3. That I can make people smile

4. My ability to be grateful.